I'm trying to put Brenden to sleep and I was up stairs and forgot that his soother is downstairs on the Kitchen table.

Sooooo I asked my wife nicely to bring up the soother.

"Where is it?"
"On the kitchen table"
" Well I can't find it"
"Just open you eyes and look...it's right there!"
"Can't see it"
I came down the stairs and pointed it out to her...It's right here, I'm sorry the table covering is green and it's camouflaging the soother which is bright green.

Are all women like that? She's like that with keys, wallet, diapers anything that is not bigger than her mouth she cannot find, not unless it's part of her.

Yesterday Brenden was walking around with out his diaper on...for the life of her she could not find it on the floor...Took me 30 seconds...all I had to do was to look under a blanket and pop there it was on the floor.

The thing that pisses me off is we always start off with the same lines when she's trying to find something..."Where is it?" and I always end with the same line..."Just open your eyes and look!"

I feel like this some times....not just driving but for cooking, painting, yard work, fix things...just anything that I do...

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

Have you heard of the Ladder theory? http://www.laddertheory.com/

I heard about this couple of years ago and I didn't know that a woman had a ladder theory.

Before I heard about this ladder theory, I actually have a ladder theory of my own...and it's even more detailed than this one.

In the ladder theory from the the laddertheory website just talks about fucking and admitting it or not.

Ok let me warn you it get's pretty graphical and don't think that I'm fucked up cos you know...EVERYBODY is fucked up it's just depends on how you express yourself.

This is MY ladder theory...

H - I'll eat her and lick the ass
H - I'll eat her
H - Just a kiss and play will it
H - I'll just check it out and if it smells bad I won't touch it.
H - I'll fuck her
H - Head just head
H - Just be friends
H - Don't even talk to me

So next time you see me and I don't know you RUN AWAY!!! Cos I'll be using my ladder theory.

I'm gonna take down this post if I am ever gonna look for a new job.

Ok Ok ....enuff w/the abuse...I know I haven't blogged recently it's not that I don't want to blog...it's more like I'm too exhausted to blog.

Well next week is Brenden's Bday....I can't believe it's already been a year...I missed those days when he just slept and just wiggled his arms and legs...Now I gotta chase after him crawling all over the place naked and me with a diaper in my hand.

He's pulling all the stuff out of our drawers and candy tray...I bought a baby proof drawer thingy to keep the drawer closed...well he ripped the thing apart and now the drawer is no longer baby proofable.

He's not even two yet!!! He crawls all over the floor picking up cheerios that he dropped from the high chair...putting everything in his mouth. Now we hafta be careful in what we leave on the floor.

I remember one time when my sister was a baby and my mom asked me to pick up the eraser off the floor, and I went for it and squished the piece of soft shit that my sister left behind before her bath.

Sigh...WTF have I gotten myself into?