I'm trying to put Brenden to sleep and I was up stairs and forgot that his soother is downstairs on the Kitchen table.

Sooooo I asked my wife nicely to bring up the soother.

"Where is it?"
"On the kitchen table"
" Well I can't find it"
"Just open you eyes and look...it's right there!"
"Can't see it"
I came down the stairs and pointed it out to her...It's right here, I'm sorry the table covering is green and it's camouflaging the soother which is bright green.

Are all women like that? She's like that with keys, wallet, diapers anything that is not bigger than her mouth she cannot find, not unless it's part of her.

Yesterday Brenden was walking around with out his diaper on...for the life of her she could not find it on the floor...Took me 30 seconds...all I had to do was to look under a blanket and pop there it was on the floor.

The thing that pisses me off is we always start off with the same lines when she's trying to find something..."Where is it?" and I always end with the same line..."Just open your eyes and look!"

I feel like this some times....not just driving but for cooking, painting, yard work, fix things...just anything that I do...

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

Have you heard of the Ladder theory? http://www.laddertheory.com/

I heard about this couple of years ago and I didn't know that a woman had a ladder theory.

Before I heard about this ladder theory, I actually have a ladder theory of my own...and it's even more detailed than this one.

In the ladder theory from the the laddertheory website just talks about fucking and admitting it or not.

Ok let me warn you it get's pretty graphical and don't think that I'm fucked up cos you know...EVERYBODY is fucked up it's just depends on how you express yourself.

This is MY ladder theory...

H - I'll eat her and lick the ass
H - I'll eat her
H - Just a kiss and play will it
H - I'll just check it out and if it smells bad I won't touch it.
H - I'll fuck her
H - Head just head
H - Just be friends
H - Don't even talk to me

So next time you see me and I don't know you RUN AWAY!!! Cos I'll be using my ladder theory.

I'm gonna take down this post if I am ever gonna look for a new job.

Ok Ok ....enuff w/the abuse...I know I haven't blogged recently it's not that I don't want to blog...it's more like I'm too exhausted to blog.

Well next week is Brenden's Bday....I can't believe it's already been a year...I missed those days when he just slept and just wiggled his arms and legs...Now I gotta chase after him crawling all over the place naked and me with a diaper in my hand.

He's pulling all the stuff out of our drawers and candy tray...I bought a baby proof drawer thingy to keep the drawer closed...well he ripped the thing apart and now the drawer is no longer baby proofable.

He's not even two yet!!! He crawls all over the floor picking up cheerios that he dropped from the high chair...putting everything in his mouth. Now we hafta be careful in what we leave on the floor.

I remember one time when my sister was a baby and my mom asked me to pick up the eraser off the floor, and I went for it and squished the piece of soft shit that my sister left behind before her bath.

Sigh...WTF have I gotten myself into?

Need I say more....

The funny thing is the Canucks had a slogan "Believe in Blue"

WTF does that mean? Then I realized that Maple Leafs didn't make it to the playoffs this year(yeah!), and these "believe in blue" shirts are "hand me downs" from Toronto....


Either the Blue Jays or the Maple Leafs.

Oh well time to cancel my cable...Nothing good is on anymore.

When it comes to hockey in Canada, every fan will have it's superstition theories why their team is winning or why they're loosing.

Last time the Canucks won is when my wife and my kid touched the Stanley cup that is on top of my TV. They touched it yesterday and they lost.

I think It's because now I've been thinking of pulling out the Canucks flag out from my boxes and put it on my car. Every time I think about the darn flag the Canucks loose. That freaking flag is not coming out of my box.

I think it's cursed cos someone else bough it for me and I didn't buy it myself.

Let your imagination run wild. Who's not superstitious during the playoff season?

In two weeks it will be that time of month.

When my wife has PMS ppl in a fifty meter radius can tell that she has PMS. My friends, family, everyone around can tell that she has PMS and I'm the first one who feels it.

Every friends and family knows but they don't say anything, but usually mutter words of condolences to me.

I think after all these years being with her I've developed a PMS radar, but I think it's just the PMS look.

What is the PMS look?

Tiredness, the eyes, something about the eyes, it seems a astigmatism developes.

There is the PMS attitude that all married men know about...

The look of WTF is everyone doing?

I know it doesn't make sense but it better make sense to YOU!

I think PMS is the root cause of all Divorces and that's why some men have problems with commitment. So don't blame men for commitments.

Sigh...I think the only cure from women's PMS is to be gay.