I'm trying to put Brenden to sleep and I was up stairs and forgot that his soother is downstairs on the Kitchen table.

Sooooo I asked my wife nicely to bring up the soother.

"Where is it?"
"On the kitchen table"
" Well I can't find it"
"Just open you eyes and look...it's right there!"
"Can't see it"
I came down the stairs and pointed it out to her...It's right here, I'm sorry the table covering is green and it's camouflaging the soother which is bright green.

Are all women like that? She's like that with keys, wallet, diapers anything that is not bigger than her mouth she cannot find, not unless it's part of her.

Yesterday Brenden was walking around with out his diaper on...for the life of her she could not find it on the floor...Took me 30 seconds...all I had to do was to look under a blanket and pop there it was on the floor.

The thing that pisses me off is we always start off with the same lines when she's trying to find something..."Where is it?" and I always end with the same line..."Just open your eyes and look!"

I feel like this some times....not just driving but for cooking, painting, yard work, fix things...just anything that I do...

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

Have you heard of the Ladder theory? http://www.laddertheory.com/

I heard about this couple of years ago and I didn't know that a woman had a ladder theory.

Before I heard about this ladder theory, I actually have a ladder theory of my own...and it's even more detailed than this one.

In the ladder theory from the the laddertheory website just talks about fucking and admitting it or not.

Ok let me warn you it get's pretty graphical and don't think that I'm fucked up cos you know...EVERYBODY is fucked up it's just depends on how you express yourself.

This is MY ladder theory...

H - I'll eat her and lick the ass
H - I'll eat her
H - Just a kiss and play will it
H - I'll just check it out and if it smells bad I won't touch it.
H - I'll fuck her
H - Head just head
H - Just be friends
H - Don't even talk to me

So next time you see me and I don't know you RUN AWAY!!! Cos I'll be using my ladder theory.

I'm gonna take down this post if I am ever gonna look for a new job.

Ok Ok ....enuff w/the abuse...I know I haven't blogged recently it's not that I don't want to blog...it's more like I'm too exhausted to blog.

Well next week is Brenden's Bday....I can't believe it's already been a year...I missed those days when he just slept and just wiggled his arms and legs...Now I gotta chase after him crawling all over the place naked and me with a diaper in my hand.

He's pulling all the stuff out of our drawers and candy tray...I bought a baby proof drawer thingy to keep the drawer closed...well he ripped the thing apart and now the drawer is no longer baby proofable.

He's not even two yet!!! He crawls all over the floor picking up cheerios that he dropped from the high chair...putting everything in his mouth. Now we hafta be careful in what we leave on the floor.

I remember one time when my sister was a baby and my mom asked me to pick up the eraser off the floor, and I went for it and squished the piece of soft shit that my sister left behind before her bath.

Sigh...WTF have I gotten myself into?

Need I say more....

The funny thing is the Canucks had a slogan "Believe in Blue"

WTF does that mean? Then I realized that Maple Leafs didn't make it to the playoffs this year(yeah!), and these "believe in blue" shirts are "hand me downs" from Toronto....


Either the Blue Jays or the Maple Leafs.

Oh well time to cancel my cable...Nothing good is on anymore.

When it comes to hockey in Canada, every fan will have it's superstition theories why their team is winning or why they're loosing.

Last time the Canucks won is when my wife and my kid touched the Stanley cup that is on top of my TV. They touched it yesterday and they lost.

I think It's because now I've been thinking of pulling out the Canucks flag out from my boxes and put it on my car. Every time I think about the darn flag the Canucks loose. That freaking flag is not coming out of my box.

I think it's cursed cos someone else bough it for me and I didn't buy it myself.

Let your imagination run wild. Who's not superstitious during the playoff season?

In two weeks it will be that time of month.

When my wife has PMS ppl in a fifty meter radius can tell that she has PMS. My friends, family, everyone around can tell that she has PMS and I'm the first one who feels it.

Every friends and family knows but they don't say anything, but usually mutter words of condolences to me.

I think after all these years being with her I've developed a PMS radar, but I think it's just the PMS look.

What is the PMS look?

Tiredness, the eyes, something about the eyes, it seems a astigmatism developes.

There is the PMS attitude that all married men know about...

The look of WTF is everyone doing?

I know it doesn't make sense but it better make sense to YOU!

I think PMS is the root cause of all Divorces and that's why some men have problems with commitment. So don't blame men for commitments.

Sigh...I think the only cure from women's PMS is to be gay.

Buhaaa...Global Warming is FAKE!!!!

I knew it I knew it!!

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=4499562022478442170&q=global+warming+swindle

On Sunday we went to "Pray the Mountain" or pay respect the dead on my wife's side.

Every year we would have a hard time finding the right bronze headge stone...every one is walking around looking and wandering aimlessly around finding their dead loved ones.

Chinese ppl believe in burning fake cash(aka Hell's Cash) or clothes so that the dead will receive them once they are burnt.

So after burning all that stuff we had a big metal container of ash and my wifes relatives went to the garbage can and emptied the ashes in the garbage can...Boy I wished I had a camera with me.

Half of the ppl tried to put the fire out that had started in the garbage can and half of them were wandering aimlessly around looking for the next bronze headge stone.

I told my wife when I die I want something protruding out of my headge stone so ppl can find me right away.

He's over there I can see Mike's cock!

I have a friend...his last name is Fung.
I have another friend...his last name is Phung.
Both of them are Chinese...one of them was living in Vietnam for a while, but they are both pronounced the same.

My last name is Chau but there are Chows out there also. When our parents immigrated here they didn't know a word of English and I guess there wasn't a standard in naming Azns.

Now what dictates the sound "fff" is spelled "ph" or "f"? Was this a french thing?

I was reading the news paper today and quote it for you...

"Phuc is the young, naked skinny girl running from a black, smoky sky, her arms outstretched..."
"Phuc has spent much of her live travelling as a representative of her own charity..."
"Phuc said she's happy with the way her life turned out, because she is still able to help others..."

Just to be fair her full name is "Phan Thi Phuc" aka Kim Phuc...now imagine it spelt the other way.

I'm not going to make any more comments cos she was severely burnt when she was young.

Do you watch American Idol?

I was kinda choked when both Azn guys got voted off cos there isn't enuff Azn's watching American Idol.

There's this guy in Idol...he sucks, yet he is still the top seven...his name is Sanjaya.

Poor song pics, he has a good voice but it's not the best, had has a HOT Sister...just google Sanjaya's sister.

I'm sitting here wondering why he keeps on winning week after week...then I found out about this web site...

http://votefortheworst.com/

It's a campaign to screw American Idol...Good for them! Simon Cowell said he will quit if Sanjaya wins Idol...http://foreveridol.com/archives/165

Then the light bulb turned on...maybe i should start a site...http://vote for theaznguy.com for next year's idol.

I'm ticklish as heck...So I'm sleeping falling into my REM and all of a sudden I feel fingers on my belly and my wife tickled me.

She asked me if I was sleeping and I said I just fell asleep and she woke me up. Then she stated putting her legs and feet on my leg...I didn't mind that but her feet were cold as the heck.

I didn't think I made too much of a fuss, but every time I'm up and touch her while she is sleeping she makes a huge fuss and whines and tells me not to touch her cos she's sleeping. Yeah but about three hours ago she wouldn't let me sleep.

So couple of nights go she had her leg on top of mine...I made sure I didn't move my leg so it would be on me until she fell asleep. About half an hour later I can tell she was sleeping then I started humping her leg and she immediately pulled her leg away.

We'll see if she'll put her leg on me again.

So I'm reading the Metro Newspaper today in the Skytrain and I'm reading the story about a gas attendant was dragged to his death because he was trying to stop someone from stealing gas.

Here's what I read...
"Three B.C. Supreme Court judges unanimously agreed to reduce Pratt’s sentence by two years. They said the original sentence did not consider Pratt’s "broken family guidance" or his disadvantaged Aboriginal background"

Disadvantage Aboriginal background? Are they sayin he's disadvantage cos he's aboriginal?

His "broken family guidance" most likely is the case but disadvantage Aboriginal background is defiantly not the case.

Let me tell you this I think the only disadvantaged ppl are Chinese ppl. My grandfather paid a Head Tax to come here to Canada, eventho we got a refund think of all of the other Chinese ppl who didn't.

We had to work on the rail roads, worked our ass off to just make ends meet, paid our taxes joined the Canadian wars, paid taxes, learn a forgien language, paid taxes, make minimum wage for most of our lives, paid taxes, saved every penny, paid taxes, paid for university education, paid taxes, faced racism, paid taxes, and oh did I mention we had to pay taxes?

Now Aboriginals don't need to pay for any Canadian Taxes, no income, GST or PST. Free medicare, and free Education. They get to fish as much as they want, whenever they want and whatever they want. Gee that's a Disadvantage.

Maybe cos us Chinese ppl don't bitch enuff.

Now if I was smart I would of married an aboriginal person for some tax benefits, I might need to live in a TeePee but hey it's probably just like camping.

Ok this pisses me off...I was watching the news and they're thinking of taxing bottle water cos water levels are getting low due to climate change.

DUE TO CLIMATE CHANGE???? WTF??? I thought global warming was melting the ice in the Artic and is causing problems with higher water levels.

Global warming is making our world warmer but the ice melts and is making our waters colder. http://www.livescience.com/forcesofnature/041217_sealevel_rise.html

WTF???

Well we better stop drinking water cos in a billion year there won't be any left. OMG!! Can't you just evaporate piss?

I was dboating and a buddy said that he hated when his girlfriend cooks.

I don't like it when my wife cooks also, and that is why I cook most of the times.

She spends too much time chopping stuff and cook, but that's not what peeves me about her cooking, she hasta use every pot, pan, dish, spatula, spoon, fork, knife and chopstick, but that's not what peeves me we had made an agreement whoever cooks the other one will do the dishes.

Guess who needs to do the dishes after she clears the cupboard after cooking? ME!!!

First of all it takes me 1/4 of the time to cook and I use 1/100th of the utensils that she does.

Her cooking is not bad it's getting better but I think you would cook too if you had to clean up every cutlery in the cupboard.

So back to the story my buddy said that his girlfriend pull out dishes that he didn't even know that existed....

Sigh, I thought I was the only one who was experiencing all this...

So I was at the gym talking to a co worker who just had a baby and we both have the same problems.

Now I'm not sure bout female babies but we both have male babies and it seems the only thing that stops them from crying is the boob.

Some times it's hard to console Brenden when the wife is not around or she's busy.

My tips to help babies stop crying...

Pick up the baby and walk around if that doesn't work put him in the car seat and rock him genitally, if that doesn't work pick him up and "HUSSSSSHHHHH" him to sleep...this seems to work for a couple of seconds and then he cries again...but keep on doing it.

If that doesn't work give him the bottle and if he doesn't want the bottle the soother...and if all of that doesn't work...Mom's breast will always shut them up.

I've found those things out from my father's instinct and if you think mother's instinct is strong I think a father's instinct is stronger if being Mr. Dad.

My wife does not think the boob will solve all his crying problem but I think so.

My baby is a Boob dude!

Sorry for lack of posts...I'm working on something right now...I've just bought the domain name shitdeal.com and I'm working on that right now.

I think I'm gonna create a site where people thinks they got a shit deal either from life(rants about their relationship) or just something they purchased.

Keep your eyes open for that site.

Yesterday I was trying to explain to our homestay student on how much rent she owes us for next month...cos she came in 4 days earlier.

So I'm calculating the 4 days minus the deposit she gave us and how much she owes for next month. For me it was a mess, after five minutes of calculations I was more confused than my Homestay.

My wife walks in the the door and she did the proper calculation in less than one minute.

She was a straight A student in high school...She is very book smart...put her in a sheltered home and ask her to calculate pi to the trillionth decimal point and she will do that in two days.

But throw her in a foreign city with a blanket...she would die. She relies on me to take her around places and drive around in the cities.

We're like ying and yang she's book smart and I'm street smart.

I just hope Brenden gets my street smart, and my wife's book smart and not the opposite.

Ah...Valintines Day...when you're married it's different when you're not. I think we got it all wrong....

Remeber guys when we struggled for first place?

After observing my kid I think we got it all wrong...Wanna goto first place with out the fight? Well you better cry like a baby and cry loud!! And what does mom do when Brenden cries? Just like that the boob comes out.

Well Brenden is babbling alot and smiles when you smile...Well he's running out of things to wear thanks to those Huggies diapers. We had to change four pieces of clothing yesterday cos the Huggies leaked twice...and this morning shit all over his back again.

I personally think Pampers are the best diapers but they're a bit more expensive than the others but they don't leak!

I personally would get the Kirkland CostCo diapers...they're cheaper than Huggies and they've I think only leaked on us once.

Huggies has the "Leak Lock" but some how Brenden was able to hack and pick the lock and leaked all over his clothes. We had to give him a bath this morning and what I hate most is feeling the shit behind his back when carrying to the tub.

I've also tried the superstore brand...buy it if you like ruff and leaking diapers...and the Walmart "Parents Choice" I dunno what parent likes to wash shit off their babies clothes after they pooped.

I know a buddy who is using hemp washable diapers...I wonder how long it'll take for them to give up the diapers for the baby and just smoke them.

Kirkland is the way to go...they have dual leak guard and they run about 15cents a diaper.

Lately I've been taking the Public transit to work and I've noticed there are either more smelly bums on the Trains people just stopped taking showers.

No wonder nobody takes transit...it's expensive and smelly homless ppl are on the buses and trains. Last year I got sick 4 times...I think cos I was taking more transit and there are more germs floating around the buses and trains....

Every where you go now in downtown you smell them. I think we should have public baths here in Vancouver. Screw the enviroment I'm driving!

It's been a while since I've posted theese coupons...here one...FREE BUTTER CHICKEN!!

So my wife had a dental apt and I was w/Brenden at home. We were doing our favorite activity...sleeping.

Next thing you know it while in a deep slumber he cries. So I woke up and went downstairs to warm up some milk. As the milk was warming up I was chaning his diapers and after the diaper change he was still crying...and the milk was not warm enuff.

So I decided to put him on my nipple...I think all dads who takes care of their babies has tried this. But my nipple was too small.

I think if men were able to produce milk will do stoopid things like squirting other ppl or put up beer cans and try and knock them down.

When I was young we use to live in Indian town and my mom use to make me go into the stinky stores to buy milk. I hated doing that...

Brown ppl are funny look at Russell Peters and these links


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=en6pYI4xaQM
http://www.glumbert.com/media/thriller

So what's your New Year's Resolution?

Well the wife and I wrote three resolutions that we would like each other to have and we would pick just one.

So she wanted me to...

1. Loose weight

2. Stop farting infront of her

3. Something stoopid...I don't remeber...

So I chose Loose weight...

My wife has a problem of saying Please when wanting anyone to do something.

So my resolution for her is...

1. Say please when wanting for me to do anything.

2. Say please before you want me to do anything.

3.Say please after you want me to do anything.

I'll give you an example of what I mean...

Yesterday she wanted to weigh me to see if I will loose weight....She kept on pushing me to the scale...so I turned around and then she started to pull me on to the scale...I said to her "Just use your new years resolution and I'll weigh myself." She refused to say please so I refused to go on the scale...There is no way my wife could push or pull me on to the scale...

I was just playing around with her saying "Just use your resolution...just use your resolution..." I just got tired of her pushing and pulling me around...so I just walked away from the scale...

All she had to do is say "Please" and I would of gotten on the scale...that was the biggest waste of energy of her part but it was pretty fun for me just to see what she would to trying to get me on to the scale.

Boxing day shopping...well at least I bought a TV and $250 in diapers.

When we first moved into our place I was using the washroom closest to our bed room. But after a few weeks my wife deemed that it was her washroom and the one downstairs was mine and I should stop using HER washroom and use my own.

Well for a few weeks of being hassled I decide to use MY washroom downstairs.

Well Walmart had a special on Maxi Pads and the wife made me go and buy some...Why do women do that? Make their men buy Maxi Pads?!? We don't get our women to buy us jock straps.

Well the wife ran out of space in HER washroom and she decide to put the Maxi Pads in MY washroom and deem that all washrooms belong to HER.

Whatever happen to 50/50? Men's rights? Tell me what way is this fair to Man? Women can't live with them...pass the beer and Happy New Years!!